Single parenting has its challenges. But let’s get realistic, we have a job to do and it has to be done! Right! If you have children at home or around you that you gave birth to or assumed responsibility for via adoption or association, then no matter what the state of affairs in your life, it all comes second, you have to stay on course, the children come first and their need for a safe home, meals, love have to be met first.
They need to feel like a blessing in your life and not a curse. They need to be molded into responsible citizens. They need to find themselves and carry on the journey called life with you as a parent; you need to be there for them. It matters not whether you are male or female, married or single; if you are a single parent you know it. And before you decide to go out and look for that person that will change your status accept your position, set the family on course then go out and look for your partner. As not to be in control with set standards will result in the children being lost. If that happens, it can be destructive to the innocent lives that you have to guide. Being single is not a curse it’s a part of life that we have to accept, before we can change.
I am a single parent. Was it by choice? No! I wanted the fairy tale. Remember Mills and Boon? A dark handsome rich man would sweep you off your feet and you would live happily ever after. No mention of kids or I missed that. I think it was just love, love, romance, stars, wine, good food and lavish surroundings in sensual clothes.
Now back to reality. I am a single parent – I have two lovely children, a girl and a boy. Remember the saying “two in a car two little kisses two days later Mr and Mrs”, well two days later two little children. Kids are a way of reaffirming your love for each other and they don’t need a certificate to arrive just a merger of bodies and souls. No regrets, just pain that you really can’t afford to think about as you are too busy being a single parent.
The father of my kids turned out to be married and a player. I was in too deep two lovely kids and faced with decisions to make. I knew that I love my children too much to risk the possibility of HIV from multiple partners so I walked out from the relationship hoping that we could still be parents without the physical. It was challenging.
I decided to go back into business. I looked for independence and security. I was prepared to work hard and thought the father of my children would forever be my friend and would always be there to help.
What a shocker! “If we are not together, get whoever you are with to help you. There must be someone else. Why else would you not want me?” Boy, men do have issues. He clearly could not see the thick line between my life and sex.
Anyway, I struggled and formed a company, mortgaged my house I’d say “He will come to his senses.” I was well on the way until the project came under attack from my competitors. I needed help. No school fees, house almost auctioned. I went for help and the answer was “No, why should I? You’re not my woman.” “What about the kids?” I asked. “That’s your problem.” I faced my reality then that I was a single mom. The visits to see the kids the garden BBQs, I guess were to check things out. I realized the weekly visits, or bimonthly visits did not imply we were dual parents. We were not. I was alone. He was an occasional visitor. So I went to court but that’s another story, tried to find a middle ground but you know what after all is said and done I am still a single mum.
I was the one that earned and put the bread on the table, fine he helped but at what cost? I drove them to school, he paid the fees, I sat with them through homework and illness, entertained them on weekends, took them on holiday, birthdays, Christmas, school plays and parents days. Discipline and so on. I am a single parent. I am a single mum and you know what? I am good at it. What choice did I have? A hidden wife forever, now I chose to be mummy and daddy and now strive to raise my children to be responsible members of society, happy, educated, secure, healthy etc. They have to come to terms with mummy’s life, forgive and accept as that’s life, never reverse always forward.
What next? What next? Work hard. Secure myself financially. Come to terms with my responsibility. Plan my future. And when all the pieces come together to make my perfect picture, I will see if I want another picture next to mine to compliment my image. It has to compliment my picture. And I will decide, call it selfish. But one has to be or be prepared to be in for another surprise. If he has a good idea, that compliments my picture then of course I shall be receptive but I am not desperate. It is better to stay single than to be walked on all over again. You get me. No more sacrifices. I mean big and drastic ones. It is not about me. It is about the children. They need stability in mummy to be able to grow up and shape up good.
I have vowed and I know it is not going to be easy to excel in a number of areas in my life. My inspiration and guiding factor shall be my children. I shall excel as a single mother or parent. I shall raise responsible, successful, independent children. If they should fail me I will have no doubt in my mind that it was not meant to be as I will do my best.
Let’s chat, talk debate, and share in my blog what’s your take on single parenting? Or send me
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